In this material world that were living in, the only constant thing is change. Change in looks, priorities, affairs and the like. But i realized, some things are just meant to be just like it is. Though we have a choice: its either we accept that fact, or you will run away from the thought of it, left hanging.
Have you ever watched the movie “adjustment bureau” ? After watching it, i always believe that if things are meant to happen for you, if things are really for you, then it is. No matter what you do to escape, no matter how grave your reasons, you just can’t: because its really for you.
I tried to think, do each and everyone of us meant to love another individual? Even if its not reciprocated, does it follow the idea of the adjustment bureau? that were meant for a person, even if it feels not?
I tried to escape from the thought of this person. Simply because i had the answers to my questions: that it can never be us, and it will never be us because we do not have the same outlook. I had the answers back then, so i stopped. I guess i do not have the reasons to continue whatever it is that im feeling since its already useless.
But awhile ago, at the unexpected presence of this person, i felt really numb. I couldnt even speak a bit. I felt that there was this strong ice that had come across my blood, that i couldnt move my fingers nor my feet. I was speechless at his presence.
But as time goes by, as i was already able to speak to him, and to look at his eyes i suddenly miss that certain gush of feeling that i used to feel. I missed him.
Is it really possible that you miss the person’s presence but not how you felt specifically love towards him? I guess its more of the thought of having him by your side, or merely just the person’s presence?
Catching up was the best part of it — and hearing from him too, that he missed me was the best part of the conversation. I had the realization that some things are just meant to be same, and i guess our situation is. It will always be like this: me, running away from the feelings i have for him and then coming back again after a few weeks and then running again.
But now, i ran so far that i couldnt get back to where i started. Im not remorsing or something but its more of the thought of what if, i didnt run away?
I guess, ours is just up to here. Whatever it is, I will always believe that God planned everything else in his book and that whatever it is that had happened or will happen, may it be in love or life, is written for us.
=) lets just see, what will happen next.